THE COMEDY OF ERRORS by William Shakespeare 1594 Act IV

SCENE I. A public place     Enter Second Merchant, ANGELO, and an Officer Second Merchant     You know since Pentecost the sum is due,     And since I have not much importuned you;     Nor now I had not, but that I am bound     To Persia, and want guilders for my voyage:     Therefore make present satisfaction,     Or I'll attach you by this officer. ANGELO     Even just the sum that I do owe to you     Is growing to me by Antipholus,     And in the instant that I met with you     He had of me a chain: at five o'clock     I shall receive the money for the same.     Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house,     I will discharge my bond and thank you too.     Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and DROMIO of Ephesus from the courtezan's Officer     That labour may you save: see where he comes.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     While I go to the goldsmith's house, go thou     And buy a rope's end: that will I bestow     Among my wife and her confederates,     For locking me out of my doors by day.     But, soft! I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone;     Buy thou a rope and bring it home to me. DROMIO OF EPHESUS     I buy a thousand pound a year: I buy a rope.     Exit     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     A man is well holp up that trusts to you:     I promised your presence and the chain;     But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me.     Belike you thought our love would last too long,     If it were chain'd together, and therefore came not. ANGELO     Saving your merry humour, here's the note     How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat,     The fineness of the gold and chargeful fashion.     Which doth amount to three odd ducats more     Than I stand debted to this gentleman:     I pray you, see him presently discharged,     For he is bound to sea and stays but for it.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     I am not furnish'd with the present money;     Besides, I have some business in the town.     Good signior, take the stranger to my house     And with you take the chain and bid my wife     Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof:     Perchance I will be there as soon as you. ANGELO     Then you will bring the chain to her yourself?     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     No; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough. ANGELO     Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     An if I have not, sir, I hope you have;     Or else you may return without your money. ANGELO     Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain:     Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,     And I, to blame, have held him here too long.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     Good Lord! you use this dalliance to excuse     Your breach of promise to the Porpentine.     I should have chid you for not bringing it,     But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl. Second Merchant     The hour steals on; I pray you, sir, dispatch. ANGELO     You hear how he importunes me;--the chain!     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     Why, give it to my wife and fetch your money. ANGELO     Come, come, you know I gave it you even now.     Either send the chain or send me by some token.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     Fie, now you run this humour out of breath,     where's the chain? I pray you, let me see it. Second Merchant     My business cannot brook this dalliance.     Good sir, say whether you'll answer me or no:     If not, I'll leave him to the officer.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     I answer you! what should I answer you? ANGELO     The money that you owe me for the chain.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     I owe you none till I receive the chain. ANGELO     You know I gave it you half an hour since.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     You gave me none: you wrong me much to say so. ANGELO     You wrong me more, sir, in denying it:     Consider how it stands upon my credit. Second Merchant     Well, officer, arrest him at my suit. Officer     I do; and charge you in the duke's name to obey me. ANGELO     This touches me in reputation.     Either consent to pay this sum for me     Or I attach you by this officer.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     Consent to pay thee that I never had!     Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou darest. ANGELO     Here is thy fee; arrest him, officer,     I would not spare my brother in this case,     If he should scorn me so apparently. Officer     I do arrest you, sir: you hear the suit.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     I do obey thee till I give thee bail.     But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear     As all the metal in your shop will answer. ANGELO     Sir, sir, I will have law in Ephesus,     To your notorious shame; I doubt it not.     Enter DROMIO of Syracuse, from the bay DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     Master, there is a bark of Epidamnum     That stays but till her owner comes aboard,     And then, sir, she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir,     I have convey'd aboard; and I have bought     The oil, the balsamum and aqua-vitae.     The ship is in her trim; the merry wind     Blows fair from land: they stay for nought at all     But for their owner, master, and yourself.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     How now! a madman! Why, thou peevish sheep,     What ship of Epidamnum stays for me? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope;     And told thee to what purpose and what end. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     You sent me for a rope's end as soon:     You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     I will debate this matter at more leisure     And teach your ears to list me with more heed.     To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight:     Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk     That's cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry,     There is a purse of ducats; let her send it:     Tell her I am arrested in the street     And that shall bail me; hie thee, slave, be gone!     On, officer, to prison till it come.     Exeunt Second Merchant, Angelo, Officer, and Antipholus of Ephesus DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     To Adriana! that is where we dined,     Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband:     She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.     Thither I must, although against my will,     For servants must their masters' minds fulfil.     Exit SCENE II. The house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus     Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA ADRIANA     Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?     Mightst thou perceive austerely in his eye     That he did plead in earnest? yea or no?     Look'd he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?     What observation madest thou in this case     Of his heart's meteors tilting in his face? LUCIANA     First he denied you had in him no right. ADRIANA     He meant he did me none; the more my spite. LUCIANA     Then swore he that he was a stranger here. ADRIANA     And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were. LUCIANA     Then pleaded I for you. ADRIANA     And what said he? LUCIANA     That love I begg'd for you he begg'd of me. ADRIANA     With what persuasion did he tempt thy love? LUCIANA     With words that in an honest suit might move.     First he did praise my beauty, then my speech. ADRIANA     Didst speak him fair? LUCIANA     Have patience, I beseech. ADRIANA     I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still;     My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.     He is deformed, crooked, old and sere,     Ill-faced, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere;     Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind;     Stigmatical in making, worse in mind. LUCIANA     Who would be jealous then of such a one?     No evil lost is wail'd when it is gone. ADRIANA     Ah, but I think him better than I say,     And yet would herein others' eyes were worse.     Far from her nest the lapwing cries away:     My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.     Enter DROMIO of Syracuse DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     Here! go; the desk, the purse! sweet, now, make haste. LUCIANA     How hast thou lost thy breath? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     By running fast. ADRIANA     Where is thy master, Dromio? is he well? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     No, he's in Tartar limbo, worse than hell.     A devil in an everlasting garment hath him;     One whose hard heart is button'd up with steel;     A fiend, a fury, pitiless and rough;     A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff;     A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that     countermands     The passages of alleys, creeks and narrow lands;     A hound that runs counter and yet draws dryfoot well;     One that before the judgement carries poor souls to hell. ADRIANA     Why, man, what is the matter? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     I do not know the matter: he is 'rested on the case. ADRIANA     What, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     I know not at whose suit he is arrested well;     But he's in a suit of buff which 'rested him, that can I tell.     Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in his desk? ADRIANA     Go fetch it, sister.     Exit Luciana     This I wonder at,     That he, unknown to me, should be in debt.     Tell me, was he arrested on a band? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     Not on a band, but on a stronger thing;     A chain, a chain! Do you not hear it ring? ADRIANA     What, the chain? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     No, no, the bell: 'tis time that I were gone:     It was two ere I left him, and now the clock     strikes one. ADRIANA     The hours come back! that did I never hear. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     O, yes; if any hour meet a sergeant, a' turns back for     very fear. ADRIANA     As if Time were in debt! how fondly dost thou reason! DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more than he's     worth, to season.     Nay, he's a thief too: have you not heard men say     That Time comes stealing on by night and day?     If Time be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the way,     Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?     Re-enter LUCIANA with a purse ADRIANA     Go, Dromio; there's the money, bear it straight;     And bring thy master home immediately.     Come, sister: I am press'd down with conceit--     Conceit, my comfort and my injury.     Exeunt  SCENE III. A public place     Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE     There's not a man I meet but doth salute me     As if I were their well-acquainted friend;     And every one doth call me by my name.     Some tender money to me; some invite me;     Some other give me thanks for kindnesses;     Some offer me commodities to buy:     Even now a tailor call'd me in his shop     And show'd me silks that he had bought for me,     And therewithal took measure of my body.     Sure, these are but imaginary wiles     And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.     Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     Master, here's the gold you sent me for. What, have     you got the picture of old Adam new-apparelled?     ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE     What gold is this? what Adam dost thou mean? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     Not that Adam that kept the Paradise but that Adam     that keeps the prison: he that goes in the calf's     skin that was killed for the Prodigal; he that came     behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you     forsake your liberty.     ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE     I understand thee not. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     No? why, 'tis a plain case: he that went, like a     bass-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir,     that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a sob     and 'rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed     men and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up     his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a     morris-pike.     ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE     What, thou meanest an officer? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band, he that brings     any man to answer it that breaks his band; one that     thinks a man always going to bed, and says, 'God     give you good rest!'     ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE     Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since that the     bark Expedition put forth to-night; and then were     you hindered by the sergeant, to tarry for the hoy     Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to     deliver you.     ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE     The fellow is distract, and so am I;     And here we wander in illusions:     Some blessed power deliver us from hence!     Enter a Courtezan Courtezan     Well met, well met, Master Antipholus.     I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now:     Is that the chain you promised me to-day?     ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE     Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     Master, is this Mistress Satan?     ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE     It is the devil. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     Nay, she is worse, she is the devil's dam; and here     she comes in the habit of a light wench: and thereof     comes that the wenches say 'God damn me;' that's as     much to say 'God make me a light wench.' It is     written, they appear to men like angels of light:     light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn;     ergo, light wenches will burn. Come not near her. Courtezan     Your man and you are marvellous merry, sir.     Will you go with me? We'll mend our dinner here? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     Master, if you do, expect spoon-meat; or bespeak a     long spoon.     ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE     Why, Dromio? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     Marry, he must have a long spoon that must eat with     the devil.     ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE     Avoid then, fiend! what tell'st thou me of supping?     Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress:     I conjure thee to leave me and be gone. Courtezan     Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner,     Or, for my diamond, the chain you promised,     And I'll be gone, sir, and not trouble you. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     Some devils ask but the parings of one's nail,     A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin,     A nut, a cherry-stone;     But she, more covetous, would have a chain.     Master, be wise: an if you give it her,     The devil will shake her chain and fright us with it. Courtezan     I pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain:     I hope you do not mean to cheat me so.     ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE     Avaunt, thou witch! Come, Dromio, let us go. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     'Fly pride,' says the peacock: mistress, that you know.     Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse Courtezan     Now, out of doubt Antipholus is mad,     Else would he never so demean himself.     A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,     And for the same he promised me a chain:     Both one and other he denies me now.     The reason that I gather he is mad,     Besides this present instance of his rage,     Is a mad tale he told to-day at dinner,     Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.     Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,     On purpose shut the doors against his way.     My way is now to hie home to his house,     And tell his wife that, being lunatic,     He rush'd into my house and took perforce     My ring away. This course I fittest choose;     For forty ducats is too much to lose.     Exit SCENE IV. A street     Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and the Officer ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     Fear me not, man; I will not break away:     I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,     To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for.     My wife is in a wayward mood to-day,     And will not lightly trust the messenger     That I should be attach'd in Ephesus,     I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears.     Enter DROMIO of Ephesus with a rope's-end     Here comes my man; I think he brings the money.     How now, sir! have you that I sent you for? DROMIO OF EPHESUS     Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     But where's the money? DROMIO OF EPHESUS     Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope? DROMIO OF EPHESUS     I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     To what end did I bid thee hie thee home? DROMIO OF EPHESUS     To a rope's-end, sir; and to that end am I returned.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.     Beating him Officer     Good sir, be patient. DROMIO OF EPHESUS     Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity. Officer     Good, now, hold thy tongue. DROMIO OF EPHESUS     Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     Thou whoreson, senseless villain! DROMIO OF EPHESUS     I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel     your blows. ANTIPHOLUS     Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an     ass. DROMIO OF EPHESUS     I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long     ears. I have served him from the hour of my     nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his     hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he     heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me     with beating; I am waked with it when I sleep;     raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors with     it when I go from home; welcomed home with it when     I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a     beggar wont her brat; and, I think when he hath     lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder.     Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and PINCH DROMIO OF EPHESUS     Mistress, 'respice finem,' respect your end; or     rather, the prophecy like the parrot, 'beware the     rope's-end.'     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     Wilt thou still talk?     Beating him Courtezan     How say you now? is not your husband mad? ADRIANA     His incivility confirms no less.     Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;     Establish him in his true sense again,     And I will please you what you will demand. LUCIANA     Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks! Courtezan     Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy! PINCH     Give me your hand and let me feel your pulse.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.     Striking him PINCH     I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man,     To yield possession to my holy prayers     And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight:     I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven!     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     Peace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad. ADRIANA     O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     You minion, you, are these your customers?     Did this companion with the saffron face     Revel and feast it at my house to-day,     Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut     And I denied to enter in my house? ADRIANA     O husband, God doth know you dined at home;     Where would you had remain'd until this time,     Free from these slanders and this open shame!     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     Dined at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou? DROMIO OF EPHESUS     Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     Were not my doors lock'd up and I shut out? DROMIO OF EPHESUS     Perdie, your doors were lock'd and you shut out.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     And did not she herself revile me there? DROMIO OF EPHESUS     Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me? DROMIO OF EPHESUS     Certes, she did; the kitchen-vestal scorn'd you.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     And did not I in rage depart from thence? DROMIO OF EPHESUS     In verity you did; my bones bear witness,     That since have felt the vigour of his rage. ADRIANA     Is't good to soothe him in these contraries? PINCH     It is no shame: the fellow finds his vein,     And yielding to him humours well his frenzy.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     Thou hast suborn'd the goldsmith to arrest me. ADRIANA     Alas, I sent you money to redeem you,     By Dromio here, who came in haste for it. DROMIO OF EPHESUS     Money by me! heart and goodwill you might;     But surely master, not a rag of money.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     Went'st not thou to her for a purse of ducats? ADRIANA     He came to me and I deliver'd it. LUCIANA     And I am witness with her that she did. DROMIO OF EPHESUS     God and the rope-maker bear me witness     That I was sent for nothing but a rope! PINCH     Mistress, both man and master is possess'd;     I know it by their pale and deadly looks:     They must be bound and laid in some dark room.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day?     And why dost thou deny the bag of gold? ADRIANA     I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth. DROMIO OF EPHESUS     And, gentle master, I received no gold;     But I confess, sir, that we were lock'd out. ADRIANA     Dissembling villain, thou speak'st false in both.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all;     And art confederate with a damned pack     To make a loathsome abject scorn of me:     But with these nails I'll pluck out these false eyes     That would behold in me this shameful sport.     Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives ADRIANA     O, bind him, bind him! let him not come near me. PINCH     More company! The fiend is strong within him. LUCIANA     Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     What, will you murder me? Thou gaoler, thou,     I am thy prisoner: wilt thou suffer them     To make a rescue? Officer     Masters, let him go     He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him. PINCH     Go bind this man, for he is frantic too.     They offer to bind Dromio of Ephesus ADRIANA     What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?     Hast thou delight to see a wretched man     Do outrage and displeasure to himself? Officer     He is my prisoner: if I let him go,     The debt he owes will be required of me. ADRIANA     I will discharge thee ere I go from thee:     Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,     And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.     Good master doctor, see him safe convey'd     Home to my house. O most unhappy day!     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     O most unhappy strumpet! DROMIO OF EPHESUS     Master, I am here entered in bond for you.     ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS     Out on thee, villain! wherefore dost thou mad me? DROMIO OF EPHESUS     Will you be bound for nothing? be mad, good master:     cry 'The devil!' LUCIANA     God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk! ADRIANA     Go bear him hence. Sister, go you with me.     Exeunt all but Adriana, Luciana, Officer and Courtezan     Say now, whose suit is he arrested at? Officer     One Angelo, a goldsmith: do you know him? ADRIANA     I know the man. What is the sum he owes? Officer     Two hundred ducats. ADRIANA     Say, how grows it due? Officer     Due for a chain your husband had of him. ADRIANA     He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not. Courtezan     When as your husband all in rage to-day     Came to my house and took away my ring--     The ring I saw upon his finger now--     Straight after did I meet him with a chain. ADRIANA     It may be so, but I did never see it.     Come, gaoler, bring me where the goldsmith is:     I long to know the truth hereof at large.     Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse with his rapier drawn, and DROMIO of Syracuse LUCIANA     God, for thy mercy! they are loose again. ADRIANA     And come with naked swords.     Let's call more help to have them bound again. Officer     Away! they'll kill us.     Exeunt all but Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse     ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE     I see these witches are afraid of swords. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     She that would be your wife now ran from you.     ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE     Come to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence:     I long that we were safe and sound aboard. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE     Faith, stay here this night; they will surely do us     no harm: you saw they speak us fair, give us gold:     methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for     the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of     me, I could find in my heart to stay here still and     turn witch.     ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE     I will not stay to-night for all the town;     Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.     Exeunt

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